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Another opportunity gone down the drain. January 25, 2012

Posted by itsmeaditya in Uncategorized.
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Well, things have been actually really down lately. I am so sorry to my readers ( if they exist), I really am, I got lot to talk but no one to talk to, and thats why I made this blog. Hi I am Aditya a 19 year old boy, struggling like everyone else to know who he is, what he is,  I got a lot of questions and no answers, they say nice guys finish last, I think thats true.

Anyway, so around 2 weeks back I fell down the stairs of my hostel,  and I broke my ankle, plaster for 3 weeks, its fine, some cared some didnt, not a problem. Okay so here is the thing, I like a girl, its more than that, and the crush is from my side, I mean come on who will like me, yes I have some issues, but no one actually knows it, so I asked this girl if she wants to leave a message on plaster, everyone does that right, but this girl, she is like ‘Nope’. Thats all she said, and I felt bad, I have been feeling bad, but again its fine. I see my friends, class mates, college mates, everyone getting a lot of opportunities, everyone doing a lot of things, some are getting committed, and I see their happy faces, its kinda gay, but it is good. Few of my closest friends are doing really good, one of them is becoming responsible, feels good to know that, another one is going out to different colleges, winning, feels good, but after sometime, when I close my eyes I see me, its all black and I am standing under a spotlight. Blank expressions, nothing, and I feel nothing, and then I think, I got everything, but I dont have anything. I just want to feel how it feels to be victorious, how it feels when people look up to you, and I have been trying my best to do that, but something or the other, BAM, stops me. This time something like that happened. I like theatre, I like doing theatre because I can become something else, not the selfish asshole I am.

I was supposed to go to IIM-B, but, the stupid plaster on my leg, my team is not taking me, I havent ever participated in anything, if I have never won it. I havent ever won anything in life, I feel as if I am a waste investment. My birth givers invest money in me, and all I do is lose, again and again. No, I dont want to think this shit, but when a lot of bad stuff happens, you tend to think like that. I am still hopeful and I am still working hard to achieve, I know deep inside I am going to.

At this point of time I am thinking of her, I call her ‘Madame’ does it matter, I dont think so, but when you like someone, you know you got something in life, so I might hang on to her for some more time.

I am sorry, I am really sorry, things havent been going fine lately, and I just want to talk, so I talk to you guys, I do call people up and ask how things are, if things arent right with them, I sit there, I sit till they stop crying and smile, I dont want anyone doing that to me, just a little care, just wishing me morning with a nice smiley, it will do wonders for me,  I like small things in life, and I want small things in life which make me happy.
So Aliens, if you are reading this, you know more about me now, and if you want to make a contact, contact me, you know where I am.
Bye.

Odd day November 17, 2011

Posted by itsmeaditya in Uncategorized.
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Well, i woke up late, missed the first hour of college, got in trouble for just reading a business newspaper, and apparently that is such a big crime in this university, that they are threatening me to detain in the second semester. Thats pretty fucked up shit aint it ?

Anyway, i got interested into stocks, so i am well trying my best to win it, but yeah, its me, lost it, pretty much upset about it, if you have been reading my posts aliens, you might have noticed, how badly i want to win things, but when i lose something, i get upset, thats well one negative point in me, and plus the crap i had in the class today, upset, not cool right ?

It sucks, i am out with a bunch of friends, not talking to anyone, my coffee is getting cold, i feel like shit. It sucks, dont want this to happen, but anyway, what can i do ! Cant write some stuff here, aliens might get offended, well i am getting pretty famous in the university, and this incident kind of made me more famous and infamous as well, anyway it doesnt matters that much. I seriously wish things should get fine soon, i guess, after a few days  i will be fine !

I am so sorry aliens, i have been posting personal stuff for some time , but soon you will get to know cool stuff, i will start updating about stocks and other stuff too !
yeah thats right, you can learn about earthlings easily.

Anyway, i gotta do other stuff, will blog later. Adios amigo. (Yup thats spanish for friend) Aliens are my friends. 🙂

Priori Incantatem November 12, 2011

Posted by itsmeaditya in Uncategorized.
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Ahoy to all my alien readers, been pretty long since i updated this blog. I am not talking about wizards and witches fighting over here, well its about my life. This is going to be boring, but besides its fun, no one is going to read it and i can channel my feelings properly, woah i feel like a psychologist. Anyway, my past life in Delhi is clashing with my present life in Bangalore. Yes my dear readers, i am in bangalore now, and i am studying business management, in other words i joined the rat race. Things have been going fine for sometime, but me and my dependency issues, well they seem to make a lot of problem, made some friends here, but i do kinda miss my homies back there in the capital city. I love them actually, and recently not talking to them is bringing me down, i cant put other details over here, you know aliens, they can do anything!
I am too distracted, right? Seriously, there is no link, no sense being made out here, but anyway aliens like reading this.
I seriously miss falling in love, or loving someone, you see, every time i try to woo someone, its just a matter of time, before everything goes haywire, or something or the other happens. Even my birth giver told me that i need to have a female friend who will actually care for me, so i can be a better person, i didnt believe this at that time, but seeing my condition i think she is right, but whom should i woo ? I think, having a special friend is better than being in a relation, i think i have that special friend, but you know different humans, different perceptions, different cities, huge distances, it sucks. Anxiety, anger, frustration is the result of this, so i neither can be relation nor have a special friend, either way i am gonna end up getting angry, and yeah i have to join anger management classes, the other day, i shouted at some poor girl because she didnt do what i specifically told her to do, and we ended up losing points in some game, i apologized, but still, i need to control my anger, and my ADD too, i think i get distracted too easily.
I am at this new university, working my way up, being good to everyone, studying, i moved into a hostel, washing my clothes, looking after my stuff, but there is something missing from this new life of mine, and that is that person with whom i want to be, with whom i can share stuff, and that person has to be a female, with long hair, well a good looking female though with brains and a heart. You see i hate having feelings, but since god gave it them to me, i cant do anything, i somehow have to find my way through humans, to find that person who is like me, its kinda difficult. I feel good about the fact that i am washing my clothes, its like washing dirt out of my life, i mean i am serious, washing clothes is making me feel happy, but you know what would make me more happy, a comfortable couch, a big pepperoni pizza, a bottle of god father beer, and my bro Pulkit, well i dont mind putting his name over here, because he is my bro, and he has been with me for quite some time, he is committed now, i am happy, i love him. 🙂
Infact everyone i know is committed, its like a disease, which is spreading pretty fast, and this makes me think, what of me ? Is there someone, who can actually be my girlfriend, accepting my eccentricity, i dont know if it ever can happen or not, but this all is too confusing.
Anyway my fellow aliens, i have to go, gotta read some business articles and review them 🙂
Arriverdeci . ( Thats italian for bye, i learnt this from a game, i got half of my knowledge from playing video games, to all the alien mothers out there, please let your alien children play games, they will get intelligent then, and then they can save our galaxy) O_O
I apologize for my ADD problem, anyway bye, take care, and yeah, if anyone actually reads this, just respond, it feels good, when someone actually read what i write, bye!

What actually makes people going? January 4, 2011

Posted by itsmeaditya in My thoughts!.
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Alright homies, this post ,  well its a rough thought or whatever, just struck my mind. What actually keeps us humans going, you know there is hell lot of bull shit. Well for instance think of that homeless guy, shivering in cold, cursing all of us, or praying for his death, or is just numb. What keeps him going? What about that hooker , who knows that selling her body doesnt make her feel good, but she still does it for a living, what about her? what keeps her going knowing the fact that literally everyone abominates her. Think of those people who are  caught up in a war, what keeps them going. Well there are many examples, cant count them, its really difficult, try it out sometime, you would be like wooh heey what the fudge! seriously, back to the topic WHAT KEEPS THESE BRAVE SOULS GOING ON!!!

 

Well , there is this one little thing right in the middle of the heart, that sometimes makes your chest tight, or makes it light. Dont know the medical term, but many of us call it as heart, but its not actually the heart, its that thing which keeps us alive. Lets call it Namuh. Now this Namuh, its inside all of us, now this thing has a direct link to our brain, when everything is going hay wire , and we dont know what to do, Namuh is our knight in shining armor. It gives us hope, it tells us whats wrong and whats right. I listened to my Namuh, and well i am certainly  proud of myself. Dont ignore that feeling you get, its the Namuh talking, you ignore him, you regret. Well folks, thats it, thats just the little thought that struck me. Not so much of a big thing, but hey, its not that bad, alright no one is reading it, many people dont even have a blog. HA HA on your face i have a blog 😛 [ its good you dont have a blog, you have to update it, people pester you on posting new things, YOU HAVE TO THINK]

 

good night earthlings.

 

Aditya

Been a downhill for quite sometime January 4, 2011

Posted by itsmeaditya in Uncategorized.
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Listening to amazing by Aerosmith. Nice song. This song has one phrase ‘there were times in my life when i was going insane’, well it’s happening with me now. It has been a downhill for me, for more like a year. These days somehow, i am becoming emotionally null. Had been a long time, since i had a nice heartful laugh. Got daily sitcoms and south park of course that has made me laugh, but you know that laugh, that surges from your heart to your mouth, making your lips wide and eyes squint, it has been ages. My brother Hari, well his autism comes up in various forms, that some times make my smile and sometimes make me think, what he is going to do, how would he do it. Life, so uncertain. I have started to get paranoid again, about family, my self. I usually imagine my self in a situation where i have lost everything, and then there comes one point where i cant imagine more, and then thats the point, which brings up some hope inside me. I am updating my blog after a long time. I am just writing whatever is coming up in my mind, lately i have been having a lot of fights. Pulkit told me that i got hell lot of crap inside my brain, and i guess he is right. He told me to meditate, but then hey its me Aditya, the procrastinator, thinking of studying for long hours, but they all just remain a thought. Anyway, the last few days, i have not been well, since the outing i had with a few of my friends to CP, i got ill, my stomach hasnt been so well, maybe that can be the reason of this depression, also its not just about my health, its about everything. I have a huge interest in gaming, especially FPS gaming. So there is this game called warrock, really interesting, i was some how good in it, but these last days, downhill, that was something, that gave me some kind of satisfaction, some kind of happiness what so ever, but no, it never happens. I just hope that something happens, i wake up tomorrow, and study for 6 hours atleast(well thats tough, but i got to do it). I met this girl, on my coaching class, and man she was something. Perfect in everything, and then i started thinking what exactly went wrong with me, finally i realized its just not you. Sometimes its never your mistake, you have to go wrong, you  have to take shit, you have to atleast be in an abyss, to shoot out like a star. I dont know if this is going to be true in my case or not. My dad, well he is not supportive at all, well i am glad i didnt get any of the behavioral  traits of him, i am happy. Mom has been really supportive, and my brother Hari is always there, sometimes i just  imagine, what if he was a normal boy, how my life would have turned out. I am happy Hari is  my brother. :]

It feels good to write things out. http://www.collegehumor.com [this site is one site which has kept me going, i love it] and i love south park creators , they did an awesome job. I love parodys. All my posts were related to something or the another but this one is just about me, so i dont think many of the readers would like it, it doesnt matter does it. I have just poured out my feelings. I actually got no one to talk to, so i am doing this. This whole post, is in a disorganized manner[just like me]. Well its great i poured something out, so much is left inside, i seriously want to get into Shaheed Sukhdev College of Business Studies. This is one thing that could change my life forever. I am really psyched about it, hope it all goes well. I am working hard, hope it pays off.

Adios amigos ! will post regularly from now on.

PS : Aliens read my blog 😛

Aditya [Temp noob]

CBSE–Central Board of Shittiest education May 23, 2010

Posted by itsmeaditya in My thoughts!.
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Hey well yeah i gave my CBSE board exams, i very well thought that i would pass it with flying colors and i can have a nice year ahead, but god had something very different in his mind for me.!

I got a compartment in mathematics, wtf? how can it happen! i got 20% come on i was expecting more than 50%.

i think what might have happened, the examiner wanted to go to do poo poo and he thought hey i am not in a good mood coz i have constipation lets give this guy a 20 and my work is done. So he hands over the paper to a peon and he apparently checks my paper who has not cleared his Xth board exams and then publish it on net. Result–tension, anxiety, depression, 2 months again maths, 4 months sitting idle, seeing your friends enjoying college and you being a douche bag.!

What the hell i seriously wont let that happen.!

i mean if we just think how can a life of a student can be handed over to some douche bag( i am really very sorry to hurt the sentiments not all checkers are douches but some are) and the people who cannot take it that seriously..they just break apart!

This thing really shouldnt happe.! but what can we do! even if we sue it its a government organization, it wont give a damn! its a bloody whole scam everyone knows it and everyone suffers from it!

why not just dissolve this whole bloody CBSE thing!

Seriously,

Central Board of Shittiest Education.

I am just praying to god that all those students who had a compartment and they didnt deserve let them get their deserved marks or at least passing marks..

Douche.

Aditya.

Boards Boards the end of life BOARDS February 14, 2010

Posted by itsmeaditya in My thoughts!.
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‘You have to atleast study for 12 hours or you will not go into a good university, ‘you cant do anything else apart from studies’. Yes this is what we all 12th class students hear every day. Thats horrible. And some of us do that much of hard work, but the thing what about those who cant sit for such long hours no matter how hard they try, what about them.

I so much hate this board thing, but folks boards are not the end of the life that so many of us commit suicide, its nothing like that. There is so much to do, the only thing is we may have to lose that “college going thing” but we can also have fun and enjoy without going to college so stop killing your selves dont be a loser life is beautiful.

Okay but that also doesnt means that we must stop studying for boards try as hard as we can, even if we dont succeed a satisfaction will be there which will form as a base for the rest of our life. :]

Take care study hard have fun :]

The Indian Education System February 12, 2010

Posted by itsmeaditya in My thoughts!.
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Yesterday i was talking  to my friend, she lives in united states. She said this one thing that really struck me. She said we indian guys study a lot i immediately said naah i dont study but while giving it a second thought i realized we guys actually do study a lot and our childhood is based on our marks.!

I mean hundreds of students commit suicide because of the marking system, the way the students are pressurized is ridiculous. At this point of time every 12th class child is on the verge of a nervous break down. The boards! the name it self sounds like an obnoxious monster with big mouth sharp teeth and who is going to eat us and kill us!!

Now, if we get bad marks or less marks or we dont go into a good university we get criticized badly, and that criticism we get is equal to the criticism a terrorist  gets.
We all get literate but hardly any of us gets educated. Its really bad that when the results come so many students just crush their potentials beneath the layer of death.

There are so lot many things which are just for the sake of being there. Its really bad the way we are educated. We need a hell lotta improvement. The whole CBSE pattern needs to be changed. Instead of boards we should just have an entrance exam kind of thing which tests the potential and IQ of the student in the particular field, now that seems a little impractical, but if we just work on a little here and there we can remove the cons and have a better education system.

And above all the mindset of the society has to be changed which is a big big hurdle on the way. So folks it will take some years to bring the complete change.

The above thoughts were the results of accute frustration due to application of integration and derivatives plus the determination of income and employment and the catalyst was the scolding i got from my parents. :]

We all run for only one thing and that is Mating! xp February 10, 2010

Posted by itsmeaditya in Uncategorized.
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Okay me and Pulkit were just discussing about life and we came to the conclusion that we all humans run after one thing that is sex! i know many of you may be disapproving this but we have a somewhat a valid or a lame reason for it!

We go to a good school so that we get good education

We study hard so that we get into a good university

we groom ourselves

do everything

why?

to become successful! and after becoming successful then to do what?

get married!

and after getting married we mate! 😛 so it ends on mating! 😛 and begins on mating!

Hence proved

The above thought process was the outcome of the mind boggling session of two geniuses Aditya and Pulkit! xD

this is what i think about life! February 10, 2010

Posted by itsmeaditya in My thoughts!.
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We all are born for  some purpose or another ! life is not about making money and mating but its all about living. For a few days due to the stupid pressure of boards i have been thinking about life. Well i think we all have souls or spirits inside us they are nothing but energy balls. It depends what kind of energy is it positive, negative or neutral. I think there is life after life.! We live for a period of time and in that time period we have to improve upon our selves so that we can go to the higher level. The more positive and good we feel the more good it is. Its very complicated and kind of difficult too to put in words but anyway the main thing is its not what we are but who we are. There are much higher level of spirits above who help us to come up. They are our masters and these souls help us to come up.

Its more like a school just imagine a big building full of energy balls and the teachers are the masters they help us to reach to the ultimate level. According to me the ultimate level is nothing but just two big energy balls one positive and the other negative. If it is balanced peace will be there in the universe, and if someone reaches the ultimate level it just joins that ball and become one.

Moreover i also think that we human beings form a very small part of this thing.  Universe is very big it has lots of much higher level of life forms that we dont know. Well i just want to say we all have to be happy and do our work face the problems and be a human. Our religion should be humanity.

The post is not in a systematic manner, these are my thoughts so they are like random. Do comment if you find anything you know wrong or something you want to add or anything!